


Heaven's Grief

by Underthecorktree



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesiac Castiel, Fluff, M/M, Meddling Sam, Protective Dean Winchester, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-16 22:53:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3505754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Underthecorktree/pseuds/Underthecorktree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Months after the events of "Hello, Cruel World", Castiel destroyed the leviathan along with himself only to wake up with no memory of his past, Dean struggles to come to terms with the leviathan problem and Cas' apparent death, but not without Sam helping him make a few realizations along the way. This story takes place in the canon verse but diverges from much of the original plot of Season 7.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Awakening

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the characters in the Supernatural series, I am merely borrowing them for a bit. I would like to say thanks to everyone of my English teachers because they are the reason I love to write. Also, thanks to anyone who reads this, I am new to actually writing fan-fics even though I have been reading them for quite sometime. Finally, If you recognized the title, it's a line from the Fall Out Boy song "Just One Yesterday" that I find heavily reminiscent of Dean and Cas. Hope you enjoy, I promise to update regularly. Thanks!

Drowning, it's definitely not as fun as it sounds. The leviathan burst every piece of him into black goo, surrounding him on all corners. He felt his life slip away, further and further into the lake. He no longer controlled his own body, not that he really had one anymore. Then there was nothing, just the white flames that encased his vision. He felt like he was being pieced back together, which maybe he was, the levithan hadn't left much to work with. Slowly, he felt his vision steady, the white began to fade to greens and reds, and the bright blue of the sky above him. He had no idea where he was, or really even who he was, but he felt something missing.

 

Wings?

 

Why would I have wings?

 

He definitely didn't have wings anymore, but why did he feel as though they had been there before? As far as he could tell, he was human. Humans tend not to have wings, but maybe it wasn't his wings that he was missing, maybe he had been an ornithologist. That would make sense, he could miss his job. With the little memory he had, that seemed like the only logical conclusion as to why he was missing wings. He slowly turned his head around, looking for some semblance of a sign, explaining where he was. It looked like a park, nothing strange about it, it seemed familiar, but he couldn't explain why. He felt like he remembered a man, someone important, sitting next to him on this bench. Who was that man? He couldn't remember any features that belonged to the man, aside from the unique green coloring of his eyes. He was drawn to that feature, like he had never seen something as beautiful as the mystery man's eyes. Then a movement in the corner of his eye startled him from his reverie. It looked to be a woman, possibly in her mid-thirties. She walked to him, but looked for a moment like she was unsure if she could speak with him. As she drew closer to him, he could see her brown hair falling down in curls on her shoulder and the kindness in her eyes. She was a good person, he didn't know how he could know that just from looking at her, but she possessed this light within her. He didn't know what it was, but he thought briefly of the mystery man once more. He had a light within him like something he had never seen, an almost blinding light that drew him in. It was entrancing, so much so that it startled him when the women began to speak.

 

"Are you ok?"

What did he look like? He wasn't aware of much other than the cold air that he now realized was brushing against his bare skin. Before he could respond to the women, she dug around in a tote that he hadn't realized she'd been carrying. She pulled a thin blanket from it, then slowly inched closer to him before wrapping in the warmth of the sheet.

 

"Do you know where you are? Is there someone I can call for you?"

 

"I don't know." He said, in a voice that seemed to light for him, almost like he could remember a gravelly voice that once belonged to him but now had been lost along with his memory.

 

"Do you know your name? I would look for your I.D. but I don't know where exactly I could look. You know, because you're not wearing any clothing? Why is that? It doesn't give people the best impression, I'm glad I found you before you got into any trouble."

"I'm sorry. I don't remember anything."

"That's ok. Let me take you home. I'll get you something warm to wear."

"Why are you helping me?"

"You seem nice enough. I'm just doing what I feel is right."

"Thank you."

"It's no problem really."

 

She pulled him to his feet and steadied him as he tried to gain his balance back again. Once he was able to walk, she led him to her car across from the park, as he stumbled slightly over his own feet. She opened the car door and placed him inside. He leaned against the cold metal door and felt a weight inside him lifting. It was something like worry, but he didn't know why. That seemed to be his greatest trouble at the moment, he was so confused.

"Where are we going?" he asked

"Back to my house. I have clothes there that should fit you. After that, we should probably get you to a hospital."

"I don't understand. I am not ill."

"You don't seem to remember much. Doctors can fix that sort of thing too. I would at least like them to check, I'm not sure you'll get your memory back but it can't hurt to try."

"Ok"

 

It was all he could manage to say, Nothing sounded right to him anymore. He watched the cars speed by outside and slowly drifted back into sleep.

\-----------

"Just stop. The levithan aren't coming back!"

 

"You don't know that Sammy, you saw what they did to Cas. Dude was practically a ticking time bomb the second they got in him. Can't say that's something I want to happen again."

"They're gone. We haven't seen them in months. Not since Cas. What do we have to go off of here, Dean?"

"How 'bout Cas freaking exploding? That's what we're going off. Nothing that can do that to an Angel can just up and die."

"I don't think this is about them, is it?"

"What are you talking about Sammy?"

"Cas. You miss him, I know that, but do you really think he'd want you killing yourself over this levithan thing?"

 

"What do you want me to say? Yeah I miss him, that winged nerd was my best friend. I don't know what he'd want, honestly he wasn't exactly himself the last time we saw him."

"I know that, and you know that's not what I'm talking about. Cas sacrificed himself to stop the levithan. That's why we haven't seen any. Cas destroyed them along with himself."

"I don't think Cas was really thinking about saving us right then. He had a bit of God complex going on if you don't remember."

"But he tried to stop. That's what he was doing. Come on, stop wasting time with this. Let's hunt something that's actually here."

"Whatever. I guess I'm the only one worried about another apocalypse. You want to hunt, go find one, I'll just sit here and save the world."

"Stop being an asshole, Dean. If you want to talk about whats really going on, come find me."

"Yeah, I will, right after I stop the next apocalypse."

"Ok, Dean." He said as he exited the motel.

Dean sat on the edge of his bed, with his elbows resting against his knees and his hands covering his face. It's times like this that he wishes he wasn't so emotionally constipated. Maybe Sam is right, what is this hunt really about? He can't let go of that thread of hope that Cas is out there somewhere, waiting for Dean to find him. It's exactly why his dirty trenchcoat sat in the trunk of the impala since the day Cas left it behind. Since the day he left Dean behind. He slowly sits back up and stares at the dirty, somehow stained, motel room ceiling.

"God Cas, I can't do this anymore. Why did you leave me? We could have fought them together. I'm not sure that I forgive you for what you did, but I know you thought it was what you had to do. Just please, Cas, I need you to come back."

**  
**  


He waits for a moment, maybe longer than necessary before getting up and grabbing his half empty bottle of whiskey from the nightstand. He repeats the process of drinking himself to sleep before the grief becomes too much, just like every night since this damn levithan mess went down.

\------------

"You think you'll be ok in here tonight? We can head to the hospital in the morning, but right now I think you need to rest."

"Yes. I don't believe I have slept in some time, rest sounds pleasant. If you do not mind me asking, what is your name? I do not believe you told me."

"Oh, sorry. It's Daphne. Need anything else before I head upstairs?"

 

"No. Thank you, your kindness is enough. I am grateful to have your help."

"It's really no problem. Try to get some sleep. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

He watched as she flicked off the light in the guest bedroom and heard the small thuds of her footsteps as she ascended the stairs. He felt suddenly weighed down by his exhaustion, as if he had never slept a day in his life, but for some reason, he was having so much trouble drifting off to sleep. He tried to pull from his memory just a little bit more, but nothing new had surfaced, just the vibrancy of man's forest green eyes and the light that burst from within him.

His soul?

Such a strange notion, but that seemed like the only answer. Looking at it, he could see deep inside the man. He was rightous, brave, and filled with so much love for others. Yet, he could feel a darkness that came off of that luminescent soul, clouded with fear and self-loathing.

How could such an honorable man believe these lies about himself?

 

The image of his soul and the thoughts that swarmed his head followed him as he drifted off to sleep. This was a different kind of sleep, he felt as though he was still awake, but not within the confines of reality. Almost like he was in a dream, but quite possibly not his own. He did not know where he was, but he could make out the faint outlines of a vast lake. Then just off the dock, he watched as a man sat down with a pole in his hand.

I know this man.

He began to approach and the man became clear. The reddish brown hair and dark leather jacket were all too familiar. His presence must have alerted the man, as he jerked his head around to see the man approaching in his dream. That's when the memory flooded back. Green eyes and freckles sprinkled across his face from the sunlight.He definitely knew this man, he knew his soul like no one else, it was almost like a part of him. Still, the man seemed startled, but not like before. No, he seemed genuinely scared, almost like he didn't want to believe what he was seeing before him. He quickly decided that this man was not going to speak to him without any prompting, maybe a bit of convincing would be necessary too, but right now, he just needed to confirm this man was who he thought he was.

"Dean?" He finally spoke.

 

He could see the shock fade to something like anger but deep down in was more like an immense sadness. He could tell that Dean did not want to see his face, but he didn't know why.

"No, you're not him. You can't be him. You're dead."

"I am not dead, I assure you. I don't remember much but I think I would remember dying."

"You don't remember? What are you talking about?"

"I believe it is called amnesia. I do not remember much more than waking at a park, then slowly I recovered memories of you. Mostly your soul and now seeing your face, I remember a little more, I remember saving you."

"No. You're dead. I had too much to drink and I let my mind drift too far. Sorry, I'm not having this discussion with my dead best friend. Not gonna happen. So, if you could just leave, and let me mope in peace, that'd be nice."

"Dean. I promise you, it's me."

 

As he spoke, he reached out toward Dean's shoulder, grasping at the mark he left so many years ago. When he finally came into contact, darkness faded over him and the dream began to fade away. Dean had awoken, and left him here in darkness, unable to find dreams of his own.

**  
**  


 


	2. Lost Puppy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean tries to convince Sam that his dream was sign, while Cas struggles in his human life, and searches for Dean with the little memory of him he has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter consists mostly of dialogue, because at this point in the story, everyone is confused and sometimes you just need to scream about it. Anyway, Chapter 2 all ready, I plan on uploading a chapter once a day, so be on the look out for that. Thanks for reading!

“CAS!”

Sam sprung up from his bed and shot over to Dean’s within seconds of his scream. Dean sat up, not entirely aware of his surroundings, but trying to remain calm. He could hear Sam’s voice in the background of his thoughts, but nothing could break his concentration. He felt a strange burning sensation coming from his shoulder, where Cas had touched him in his dream. Sam’s voice rose, breaking Dean from his fixation on his shoulder.

****  
  


“DEAN! Talk to me. What the hell is wrong with you? Did you just scream Cas’ name?”

“What?”

“Cas. You said Cas.”

“No, I didn’t. Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know Dean, but you seemed pretty freaked out.”

“Come on, Sammy. Don’t make shit up because you want me to talk about my feelings.”

“I’m not, Dean. You screamed his name. What were you dreaming about?”

“Nothing.”

He ignored Sam’s protests in favor of investigating his shoulder in better lighting. He got up from his bed and walked into the bathroom. He stumbled a little on his way to flick the light on, the whiskey hadn’t completely left his system yet, but eventually he found the switch. He turned to the mirror and lifted his sleeve, and then he saw it.

The bright red scar in the shape of a hand, Castiel’s hand. It was back, almost like it had never gone away in the first place. It was nearly impossible to break his gaze from the reflection, but when he finally did, the anger began to swell up inside him.

“Damn it!” He shouted as he smashed the mirror in front of him, shattering the reflection of Cas’ handprint.

“Dean, what was that? Are you ok? Open the door.”

“I…I can’t Sammy. I can’t do this again.”

“What do you mean? Open the door.”

Dean got up and unlocked the door, slowly pulling it open while avoiding the glass shards that scattered on the ground. He lowered his gaze to the floor, away from Sam’s face. He wasn’t sure he could deal with the look of pity he knew would be there.

“Dean, are you hurt? What happened to the mirror?”

“He’s back.” Is all Dean could stutter out, ignoring Sam once again to watch the blood drip down from his now mangled hand.

“Who’s back Dean? You have to talk to me.”

“Cas. Cas is back Sammy. I saw him.”

“What? Just now, where is he?”

“No. He.. He was in my dream. I told him to leave because he wasn’t real. I thought he was dead man, how could I send him away Sammy?”

“It was just a dream Dean. It doesn’t mean he’s alive. I know you miss him, but convincing yourself he’s still alive is only going to make it hurt more.”

“Damn it, Sammy. Cas is alive! I fucking saw him! He used to do this all the time. Why is it so hard to believe that he came to see me again?”

  
“Dean, calm down. It was just a dream. You had too much to drink and now you’re seeing things. Let’s just go back to bed.”

“Look at this Sam! Does that look fake to you? That’s Cas’ hand print, the one he left when he pulled my ass out of hell.”

“Maybe… Did.. Did Cas say where he was?”

“No. He said he didn’t remember anything. Just me. I don’t think he knew who he was, I’m not even sure he’s still full-angel.”

“He didn’t say anything helpful? A name, a street, nothing?”

“He said he woke up at a park. Besides that, no, I kind of went off on him.”

“Yeah, ok. We can work with a park. You still remember the place he walked in the lake? Maybe there’s a park by there.”

“Yeah, some town in Kansas. Shouldn’t be too far from here. Let’s head out.”

“Hold on, Dean. You just had a major freak out. I am not letting you back on the road for at least another 4 hours. Get some sleep, we can head out in the morning.”

“If Cas is out there, he could be in trouble. Who knows what might be hunting him. I know Crowley’s pissed and the angels are probably right there with ‘em. I’m not gonna watch him die again Sammy, I can’t.”

“If we go out there now, we won’t even be able to do anything. No one can help us out in the middle of the night Dean. He’ll be ok for now. If he isn’t completely angel anymore, than they probably can’t track him. Just get some rest and we’ll head out first thing in the morning.”

“Fine. Now could you stop talking and help bandage my damn hand.”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

\-----------

“DEAN!”

He heard the faint sound of footsteps as they ran down the stairs. Had his screams been that loud? He didn’t mean to scream but the shock of that touch had been more than he’s suspected it would be. It appeared to be morning but the light was barely breaking through the window, maybe it was sunrise. A quick glance to the alarm clock beside the bed confirmed that theory. It was 6:25 A.M. and the sun had just barely began to light the sky. He heard the door slam open and watched Daphne panic as she ran into the room.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

“No. No everything’s fine. I have to go.”

“What? Why? I think you should stay until we can get you to the hospital. We can’t have you running along like a lost puppy.”

“I am not a puppy.”

“No, I know. I meant that you look scared and maybe it would be best to wait until you remember a little more before you leave.”

“No. I must go. Dean needs to know I am not deceased.”

“What? Who is Dean?”

“He is my friend.”

“Ok. So, are your memories back then?”

 

“No. I do not remember my name or anything about who I am. I just know that I need to see Dean.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound like a great plan. Do you even know where this Dean guy is? What’s his last name.”

“Winchester. Dean Winchester. He did not give me the details of his location, but I must find him. He will surely be looking for me.”

“Well, I think it’s best if you stay here then. If your friend is looking for you, it’ll be easier if you stay in one place.”

“All right. You may be correct, I shall stay and wait for Dean.”

“Good. Do you want some breakfast? I could make something and then drive you the hospital down the road afterwards. They could run some tests and maybe get your memory back before the mysterious Dean Winchester shows up.”

“I do not know if I enjoy breakfast food.”

“Oh! That’s ok. Everyone loves breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day.”

“Why is this? Does breakfast think itself to be of a higher status than other meals?”

“No. It’s just breakfast. Some people function better with a little food and coffee in them. Come on, I’ll make you some pancakes and bacon.”

“Ok, that would be kind of you.”

“No problem.”

She exited the room once more, leaving him alone to his thoughts. What if Dean could not find him? What if Dean wasn’t even looking for him? He didn’t seem happy to see him in his dream. No. That can’t be true. Dean was just scared. He would surely want to see him once he realized he was actually alive. Soon the smell of bacon overtook his thoughts and sent him drifting toward the kitchen.

“Breakfast is almost ready. You’ll want to shower before, then we can leave right after breakfast.”

“I’m not entirely certain I know how to do so.”

“It’s fine, There are towels in the closet of the guest bedroom and a bathroom off to the right of it. Just turn the red dial until the water is warm enough and scrub some shampoo in your hair, the white bottle. Not too much, just enough to cover all your hair. Rinse it out in the water and you're good to go.”

“Ok, I should be able to manage that.”

Or so he thought. 5 minutes later, Daphne heard a loud crash and rushed to the bathroom to find him drenched and tangled in the curtain. He had the shower rod clutched in his hand and was now sitting in the center of the shower.

“Oh my god. What happened?”

“I seem to have slipped. I did not imagine the water would cover the surface so quickly and was unable to keep my balance. I apologize for removing your curtain.”

“That’s ok. just turn the water off. I’ll bring you some dry clothes and you can change. Breakfast is done, so we can eat after that. Ok?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now try not to break anything while I get your clothes.”

As she left the bathroom, quickly running up the stairs, he turned to stop the water from pouring down onto him. He questioned if his life had been this hard to manage before. Maybe Dean had helped him deal with all these contraptions. It was strange but he almost felt disconnected from them, almost as if he wasn’t human, like he was unused to these seemingly everyday activities. He quickly shook the thought from his head. That was simply impossible. There was no way that he was inhuman. He looked just like everyone else, he talked like everyone else, it was silly of him to ever doubt who he was. Then again, he’s still uncertain of who he is. Daphne has been so helpful, but she simply doesn’t seem to understand the importance of him regaining his memories. With that, he decides that finding a way to contact Dean should be his top priority. Dean will know what to do, he always does.

“Hey, I’m back. Here are the clothes. I’ll leave you to it.”

“Thank you Daphne, If you don’t mind me asking, do you have a computer I can use?”

“I do, I’ll show you once we get back from the hospital. Get dressed and come eat. You really shouldn’t be sitting in your wet clothes like that, you’ll catch a cold.”

“Ok, I will be out in a moment.”  
  


\----------

After breakfast, Daphne took him to the hospital where they ran a few scans on his head but said everything seemed normal. They took more tests that needed a few days to return results but besides that, the doctors had no clue why he could not remember anything. When he asked them how long his memory would be gone, they had no answer for him, which did nothing but make him wish for Dean’s presence even more.  He could not wait for Dean to show up at the door. Dean may be the only person capable of fixing his memory, or at least filling him in on the last few years of his life. He could not live in Daphne’s home forever. She was a nice person, but she was not Dean, she did not know him, or at least, the real him at all. So, with that in mind he prepared himself for the hours of research he knew was to come.

Daphne sat beside him on the couch, shifting toward him every few minutes in order to observe his research. He grew tired of her watching and eventually conceded to show her his findings.

“This is Dean.”

“What?”

“Dean. This is him. I am trying to track him.” He said, pointing to the screen.

“Ok. He’s cute and all, but aren’t those police records?”

“I don’t believe he would appreciate being referred to as cute. But yes, those are indeed his police records. I was looking for his most recent arrests to see which state he was last in.”

“Is this guy safe to be around? I don’t think I’ve seen a record as big as his before.”

“He would not hurt us. I trust him.”

“Ok. If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

“So, where is your boyfriend now?”

“I do not understand. I am looking for Dean.”

 

“Yeah. I got that. I was joking. You know, ‘cause you obviously care for him.”

“Yes, I do, but Dean, he is not like that.”

 

“Oh, you mean gay?”

 

“Yes I suppose I do.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“It is ok. I am quite happy being his best friend, as he is mine as well. I would do anything for him.”

 

“Yeah, I can see that.”

 

She looked at him with such sadness in her eyes, a sorrow that he did not understand. He thought perhaps he had said something wrong, or maybe she had wished he was not quite as open with her. He found joy in expressing anything he could remember and found that sometimes he could not hold back from telling Daphne each thing that came back to him.

 

“I’m sure you’ll find him.” She said softly, almost like she was scared he would leave.

 

“If I don’t, I have no doubt that he will find me.”

 


	3. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Sam begin their journey to Silverlake, Kansas , the city where they last saw Castiel. Sam is worried about Dean and the what would happen to him if they can't find Cas. Meanwhile, Castiel gets a little restless after finding a lead on Dean's location.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely sure of how long I want this to be, but I plan on updating everyday. So far I'm doing pretty good, hope you enjoy. I'm happy to read any comments or suggestions, Thanks.

“Dean, Come on. It’s 5 A.M. I didn't mean that whole 4 hours of sleep thing literally.”

“Hey, I can run on 4 hours. This is for Cas, so get your giant ass up and help me pack.”

“Fine, Dean, but we are definitely getting breakfast before we go, and coffee, lots of coffee.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever. You've got 10 minutes, I’ll be in the Impala.”

He threw his duffle bag over his shoulder and quickly exited the room, pulling out his map from his pocket. He stood at the rear of the Impala with the trunk pulled open, staring down at its contents.

“Hey Cas, we’re gonna find you. Then my baby won’t have to carry your dirty clothes around anymore.”

He stopped to stare at the coat one last time before swiftly shutting the trunk and pulling the door open before sliding inside. Dean eyed the map for a second before circling the city they last saw Cas in. He planned on looking for parks in the area during breakfast. He was worried, but there was no way in hell he was gonna let Sammy know that. The teasing would be endless, it was bad enough before the whole “profound bond” incident, he didn't need to add more fuel to that fire.

“Dean!”

“What the hell Sam? Was the screaming necessary? You’re right next to me, man.”

“Yeah. That’s what I thought, but you've been drifting off into space for the past 5 minutes.”

“Shut up and get in Sammy. If you want your coffee, we’re leaving, now.”

\-----------

“Ok, so there’s three parks within the city. This one here is closest to the reservoir, but this one’s pretty close to.”

“How do we even know he’s still there?”

“We don’t but the guys not exactly the most subtle presence. Somebody had to have noticed him around. We can at least ask around.”

“Yeah, I guess. You know he might not even be there,Dean.”

“Yeah. I got that. Dude’s a mystery. So?”

“So… Are you gonna be ok if we can’t find him?”

 “We’re gonna find him, Sam.”

“Dean. Promise me that if we don’t find him, you aren't going to go on some mission to find him and drive yourself insane.”

“We’ll find him! Stop acting like he’s dead already!”

“Dean! We have to think realistically, he might already be gone. We’re going on a dream here.”

“It wasn't just a dream, Sammy. He left a mark on me. He couldn't do something like that from wherever the hell angels go when they die.”

He couldn't stand to listen to him anymore, and as he stood, the thoughts of Cas’ death began to flood his head once more. The impala was his only comfort at times like this, she never asked questions he didn't want to answer. He never could let himself believe that Cas was gone. He’d left him before, for weeks at a time. This was just like that. He refused to give in to the fear that he would never see those intense blue eyes and mess of dark brown hair again. It hurt, more than most anything he had gone through before. He wanted to hate Cas, he’d betrayed them all, he has plenty of reasons to hate his feathery ass, but he just can’t. Not a single piece of him is capable of hating Cas. Trusting him was a whole different story, and if they did find Cas, he was gonna have to prove himself once again to get that back. Still, that ache just didn't go away, no matter what he did. He drank, and slept around, but nothing felt right anymore. Nothing was the same now that Cas wasn't there to help. He had a string of hope now that he could have that back, and he was holding on to that with every fiber of his being.

“Dean. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. It’s ok. I’m sorry that I freaked.”

“No. Don’t be sorry. I get it Dean, I do. I know how close you guys are. I shouldn't have brought it up. I’m just worried about you.”

“Yeah, I know. Now can we stop the chick-flick moment and get going. It’s gonna take a few hours to get to there and I want to at least check the places out today.”

“Yep. Sounds good.”

He started the impala and turned his music up as loud as he could stand. Talking just wasn't in the picture for him right now. The music let his thoughts bleed away just like it always did. He found himself singing along but couldn't bring himself to care.

“So anytime somebody needs you, don't let them down, although it grieves you, Some day you'll need someone like they do, looking for what you knew.” He sang

Out of the corner of his eye he could tell Sam was staring, he knew how those lyrics could describe his situation better than most. It didn't seem like 10 minutes without thinking about Castiel was too much to ask but apparently it was. He turned the music back down to a barely audible volume, enough to hear each other talk.

“What is it, Sammy?”

“Oh. Nothing.”

“Out with it Sam. You were staring.”

“Yeah. Sorry, I’m just worried.”

“We talked about this. Everyone is worried, the world’s gone to shit and Cas went with it. It’s one giant ball of sadness. What the hell do you want me to do about it?”

“Stop being an asshole. Forget I said anything.”

He turned the music back up and stared down at the seemingly endless road. The sun was still rising and it seemed like this day was going to be longer than he had expected.

\-----------

“I really need something to call you.”

“What?”

“A name. You know, since you don’t remember your own.”

“I do not think it necessary to call me anything.”

“Well, I’d like to have a name to call you. Is that ok?”

“If you must. What did you have in mind?”

“I don’t know. We could look in the baby name books.”

“Fine. Can I use your laptop?”

“Sure. How about Chris?”

“I do not have a preference. Pick a name you find suiting.”

“Ok. Emmanuel it is then.”

“Very well. Where exactly are we?”

“Silverlake, Kansas it’s a little West of Topeka. Why?”

“Well, It appears Dean ran a red light in the Impala, the traffic cameras picked up his license plate. He’s in Lawrence, how far is that from here?”

“A little less than an hour. You think he might be headed here?”

 “I’m not sure, but he might be. I should go. I can walk around town and try to spot the Impala. If he’s here, I am going to find him.”

“I should go with you.”

“No. I cannot ask that of you. Stay here. If he comes looking for me, hold him here until I return.”

“Ok, could you at least stop by here before you go if you do find him? I want to make sure you’re safe.”

“If I find Dean I will be safe. But yes, I can return here after I locate him.”

With that, he grabbed the coat Daphne offered to him. It was slightly large on him and didn't seem as long as he was used to. It was a dark blue color and that seemed all wrong, but it was cold and Daphne would not let him leave without it. He walked through town looking to every motel he passed for a sign of Dean, but nothing stood out. He still wasn't entirely certain he even knew what he was looking for, besides a face and the gleaming darkness of the Impala. Where would Dean look for him? He did not remember any key details of his personality. Maybe he liked music and Dean would look for him at the record stores in town. Or maybe he would have liked movies, or books, or just walking through a park.

The park…

Had he mentioned the park to Dean? Would that be where Dean would go first? Slowly he turned to the street corner, looking to gain an idea of where he was in relation to the park he woke up at. He found that he really had wandered quite a ways, so much so that he had no idea where he had gone. He paused at the end of the street and quickly turned back the way he came in order to retrace his steps.

\--------------

Silverlake, Kansas

Dean came to a stop in front of the first diner he saw. He had been on the road for 3 hours, even with the speeding, and now he needed his pie. He knew it was unlikely that he’d find Cas at the diner, the guy didn't even eat unless Dean made him, but at least he could ask around.

“What can I get for you boys?” The waitress asked

“Just a couple coffees and some cherry pie if you have it.”

“Of course. Just a moment, Sweetie.”

She walked off before Dean could even think to ask about Cas. He looked to his sides and didn't see that tell tale sign of bedhead anywhere in the diner. Sighing, he turned to Sam who had been staring at him since he entered the diner.

“I think you care about pie more than me Dean.”

“Of course I do Sammy, pie doesn't eat rabbit food and talk about its feelings.”

“Whatever, Dean. What’s the plan here? Is the pie going to speak with us about Cas.”

“No. Come on, Sam. Small town like this, people are gonna talk if a new guy shows up in town. Especially if said guy is an Angel of the Lord.”

“Yeah I guess, but you said he didn't seem to be at full capacity. Maybe no one noticed him.”

“Noticed what, Darling?”

The waitress picked up on their conversation, while setting down the coffee and pie. They really needed to quiet down the angel talk in front of civilians.

“Oh. Uh… nothing. We’re just looking for a friend.” finished Sam.

“A friend, huh? What does this friend look like?”

“Dark hair, looks like he just crawled out of bed, bright blue eyes, little shorter than me.” Dean provided.

“Huh? New in town then I assume. Give me a minute, I’ll ask around.”

“Thanks.”

She turned on her heels and headed back toward the kitchen. Dean grabbed his fork and dug into his pie like he hadn't eaten in months. Then he drained his coffee as Sam sat staring at him from behind his cup. His face now a mixture of disgust and utter shock. He had seen how Dean got around pie, but it never ceased to amaze and simultaneously make you want to hurl a little. Just as Sam finished up his coffee, the waitress came back into view, notebook and pen in hand.

“Congrats, boys. I think I found your friend. He’s living with a young girl in town. Folks said she’s been helping him out. Found him in a park or something. Is he ok?”

“Honestly were not sure. Thanks for the information. You got a name or address we can check out?”

“No problem. Her name is Daphne Reynolds. Lives in town, about 3 miles from here. I wrote the address down for you. I hope you find your friend.”

“Thanks.”

From that point on, everything was rushed. Dean payed the bill and burst out of the diner, address in hand. He started the Impala before Sam was even in the car, he wasn't wasting anytime getting into town. He sped off the minute Sam got in, heading toward town, and praying he’d find his angel.

\----------

 

Castiel walked back to Daphne’s house, having found no sign of Dean in town. He walked through the front door as the light began to fade while the sun began to set. He shuffled inside the house, taking off his shoes and uncomfortable coat, barely taking in his surroundings, until turning into the living room.

There. Right across from Daphne, sitting on the couch next to another man he swear he knew, was Dean freaking Winchester. The man he spent his entire day looking for, was sitting on her couch. Daphne’s eyes darted up toward him, which caught Dean’s attention sending his eyes to where Castiel stood on the other side of the room. He watched his eyes grow wide with shock and disbelief. He looked like he was gathering the strength to speak, but all that came out was a mumbled sound, barely audible, but he knew what he had said.

“Cas?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Dean sings is "Friends" by Led Zeppelin just in case you wanted to know.


	4. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has been located, but struggles with the idea of himself being an angel. Dean is frustrated at Castiel's lack of memory, uncertain whether he can be mad at him, if he doesn't remember what he did. Meanwhile, Sam tries to convince them both that they might be a little more than friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, to my readers. I am so glad that people are liking the story. I have plans for at least a few chapters ahead of this one. The title of this chapter comes from the Green Day song "Homecoming." I hope you all enjoy, comments are always appreciated.

“D..Dean?” Castiel asked, looking somewhat terrified.

 

“Yeah, man. It’s me. You remember?”

 

“No, not really. Like I said before. It’s just you.”

 

 Instead of a response, Dean hopped up from the couch and crossed the room. He scooped Castiel up in his arms, pulling him in for a hug. Castiel felt awkward to say the least, this did not seem like a gesture he was all that familiar with, but after a few moments, he held Dean back.

 

“What? What did you call me before?” Castiel asked, thinking he heard Dean call him something.

 

“Cas. I said Cas. It’s a nickname, your real name is Castiel. Kind of a mouthful.” He said as he backed away, staring at Cas as if he was going to poof away any second.

 

"Well, I guess you do look like one too have a strange name, Castiel. But, I think I’m still partial to Emmanuel.” Chimed Daphne from across the room.

 

“Emmanuel?” Questioned Dean.

 

“Yes. Daphne said she needed something to call me, I allowed her to choose, seeing as I didn't really care to have a name.”

 

“Ok, that’s hilarious. Emmanuel? Really?” Dean laughed.

 

“Hey! I like it, I think it suits him.” Daphne frowned.

 

“Hey Dean? Don’t you think we should talk to Cas in private?” Sam cut-in, before Dean had a chance to argue with Cas’ savior.

 

“Oh. Right. You mind, Daphne?”

“No. I’ll make some dinner. You guys can catch up in here.”

“Thanks.”

\-----------

“So Cas, you gonna tell us what’s going on here?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, last time I saw you, you exploded into black ooze and now you’re sitting here, playing house with Daphne.”

“Oh. I do not remember exploding. I told you, I only remember that I saved you from something, because I can see it in your soul. Besides that, I can only recall the events that occurred after waking at the park.”

“You've been gone for months! Why would someone bring you back now? Come on, Man, you gotta know something.”

“Dean, I think he really doesn't remember who he is, calm down.” whispered Sam.

“No, Sammy, I’m not gonna calm down. How do we even know this is really Cas?”

“You seemed pretty sure of it when he got here.”

“Yeah, but give me a break man. My dead best friend walked through the door. I’m gonna be at least a little happy to see his face again.”

“Hello, Dean? I’m still here, and I assure you it is me.”

“Yeah, well, we can’t exactly take that chance. Give me your wrist.”

Dean pulled his wrist toward him and grabbed a silver knife out of his pocket. Before Castiel could think to protest, Dean had his knife slashing a thin line across his skin. As that began to bleed, Dean pulled out a flask and splashed its contents all over Cas’ face, drenching his hair along with it.

“What was that?” Cas asked, shocked at what Dean had just done.

“I had to make sure you weren't a shape-shifter or something. Can’t be too careful. Sorry, probably should have warned you before I did that. Forgot you didn't remember that either.”

“Oh. So what now? Did I pass?”

“You’re good. Be better if we could bring your memories back.”

“Daphne took me to the doctor. They did not know what was wrong with me.”

“Hospitals suck anyway. Have you tried, I do know, zooming up to heaven and asking them?”

“Dean!” Sam yelled.

 

“What? I know they didn't part on the best terms, but its worth a shot.”

“Not what I meant, Dean. He doesn't remember who he is, not at all. Meaning, he doesn't know what he is now. We don’t even know if he still is an angel.”

“Angel? What are you talking about? Tell me, Dean.” Castiel demanded.

“An Angel of the Lord. Castiel, that’s the name of angel, that’s you. I think you told me you were the angel of Thursday or something.”

“I am certainly not an angel. They don’t exist, I am simply human.”

Then it hit him. Wings. When he first woke up, he had missed his wings. That had nothing to do with birds. Was he really an angel? How can that be possible? Dean would not lie to him, but he really had nothing to go off of here. If he had been an angel, he didn't feel like one right now. He didn't feel special or powerful, he was scared and confused. Those don’t seem like very angelic emotions.

“Hold on. Cas, can I see your wrist again?” Dean asked.

Cas slid his sleeve up once again and allowed Dean to take a hold of it. He flipped his wrist around to wear he had made the incision just moments before, but all traces of the wound were gone. It looked as though his skin had been untouched.

“Well, he must have a little mojo left in him at least. Maybe you can’t access your grace because you don’t remember that you have it.”

“I don’t know how to remember.”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“We?” Castiel questioned, looking hopeful.

“Yeah, dude, Sam and I are gonna help. You don’t really remember what you did, it’s not like I can hate you for it right now. I’m not gonna lie, it’s a little hard to look at you right now, but it’ll get better. Just give me some time. For now, you can start travelling with us again as long as you promise not to go making deals with demons.”

“Thank you, Dean. I don’t really know what you are talking about, but I will not make deals with demons.”

“Damn right, you won’t.”

“Come on” he added “I've got something for you in the Impala.”

\----------

****  
  


Dean ushered him out to the Impala, while Sam stayed in the house to explain everything, or at least what he could, to Daphne. Dean placed his hand on Castiel’s back and led him toward the car, looking somewhat anxious. Castiel noticed his starring but strangely, it didn't make him as uncomfortable as it probably should have. When they had finally arrived at the trunk of the car, Dean removed his hand in favor of opening up the trunk.

“Here.” He said, as he shoved an old tan trench coat into Cas’ hands.

“What is it?”

“It’s yours. When you died, I fished it out of the lake. That probably sounds weird, but… I don’t know.. I.. I guess I never really believed you were gone. It’d be wrong to get rid of something you loved that much when I always knew you’d come back.”

“Thank you, Dean. That is not weird, it was rather kind of you. When Daphne found me, I did not have any clothing. It is nice to have something of my own to wear.”

Dean began to blush at Castiel’s honesty. Not at all at the idea of Cas’ nudity, no that definitely wasn't it. He ducked his head to hide his embarrassment before speaking once again.

“No problem, dude. Let’s go back inside, I think I've had enough chick-flick moments for today.”

“Very well, Dean.” Cas said as he pulled on his trench coat and began to walk back to Daphne’s home.

\----------

 

Once inside, Castiel could hear the sound of Sam and Daphne talking in the kitchen. Yelling wasn't involved, so he took that to mean the explanations went well. Dean was following behind him, appearing confused but maintaining a calm demeanor. Castiel didn't know why he had picked up on that, it certainly was not something Dean was expressing outwardly. It was almost like his soul was radiating with a sense of panic. He leaned over to Dean to whisper in his ear, avoiding Daphne hearing what he had to say. From what he understood, “civilians” as Sam had called them, don’t take well to hearing about supernatural beings.

“Can angels read thoughts or see into souls, Dean?” he whispered.

He watched as Dean’s face began to redden, and wondered what he had done. Dean looked much worse than before, maybe he was mad at Castiel. He should not have brought up his loss of memory. His past didn't seem like something that Dean was quite ready to talk about. Dean looked as if he wanted to throw up for a moment before calming himself enough to talk.

 

“Y..Yeah. I think you mentioned seeing souls before. Pretty sure, you can read minds too. Why do you ask?”

“Your soul… It.. looks scared, I think. I’m not quite sure what it means. Are you okay, Dean?”

“‘Course I am. You must be wrong, it’s not like you remember what it’s supposed to look like, right? Right.” Dean said, in a slightly panicked tone.

Before Castiel could  respond, Sam yelled out to them from the kitchen.

“Hey guys, are you done with your little moment over there? Daphne says dinner’s ready.”

“Shut up, Sam.” Dean shouted as they made their way toward the kitchen.

\----------

An hour later they were finally ready to go. Dinner had been eaten and pie had been consumed, mostly by Dean. Castiel thanked Daphne for the thousandth time that night and told her goodbye. Sam promised if they were in the area again, they would stop by to visit. Dean looked at Sam with a knowing smirk, teasing his little brother for his obvious crush. They all got into the Impala as Daphne placed a tray of sandwiches in the trunk and handed Castiel a mug of soup, claiming that she was worried spending all that time outside today had gotten him sick. Finally, she was out of the car and Castiel was lying down in the back seat, sleeping , and they were finally ready to head back to the motel for the night.

“You think he is sick?” Dean questioned

“Maybe. Didn't think he could get sick, then again, I didn't think he slept either. I’m worried about him. He might be losing his powers, and I think they’ll be gone soon if he doesn't learn how to use them again.”

“What? Like he’s just gonna power down or something? He’s using his powers, you saw him heal his wrist, and he can still read souls and minds or whatever.”

“I don’t know, Dean. I’m not exactly an angel expert, but that’s what it seems like to me. How do you know he can still read minds?”

 

“He asked me if he could. Said something about my soul. I don’t know.”

“What about it? Are you ok?”  
  


“Jeez, Sammy. Enough with the twenty-questions. He thought he could see my soul, that’s it. I’m fine, he’s gonna be fine. Can we leave it at that.”

“Ok, Dean, whatever you say. God, you’d think he was in love with you or something, the way your acting.”

“What? That’s ridiculous, Sam. Dude’s not in love with me.” Dean responded, trying to hide the blush that slowly arose upon his face, and hoping Sam didn't notice the high pitched panic in his tone.

“Yeah, totally ridiculous, Dean. I mean, the guy only pulled you out of hell and then fell to Earth to help you, but whatever. Totally not in love with ----”

Before Sam could finish that sentence, Dean turned the radio up high enough to drown out his voice. He looked to the back seat once again and noticed Castiel began to stir. Instead of waking the sleeping angel, he turned the music down once again, but left it high enough that Sam took the hint. Sam peered to the backseat, following Dean’s line of vision and smirked at Dean when he realized why he had turned the music back down.

“Not a word.” Dean Said

 

“I wasn't gonna say anything, Dean.”

 

“Well, then stop thinking it and let me listen to my music.”

The drive back to the motel just a little outside of town remained silent for the rest of the trip. Castiel remained sleeping in the backseat as Sam carefully avoided poking at his brother anymore than he already had. When they finally pulled into the motel, Sam headed straight to the room as Dean stayed behind to wake Castiel.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty, get your ass up. We’re at the motel and I’m not carrying you into the room.”

“Ugghh. Dean I am tired. Please allow me to rest.”

“You can sleep once we get inside the hotel.” He prodded. “Now, get up.”

“Fine, Dean. Where is the room?”

“It’s the one straight ahead. Sam’s already in there.”

Castiel finally got up out the back seat and headed straight to the door, knocking repeatedly until Sam came and unlocked the door for him.

“Oh. I didn't know how long you guys were gonna be.”

“What do you mean? I am very tired, I would like to go back to sleep.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. It’s just… You haven’t seen Dean in a while and I figured you might want to catch up.”

Dean picked that moment to walk in behind Castiel, shifting Sams focus allowing Castiel to move past him. Cas walked toward Dean’s currently unoccupied bed and fell down on to it, passing out once more.

“Look what you did, Sammy. Now where the hell am I gonna sleep? You just had to let me wake him up.”

“I was trying to help, Dean. I really don’t think he’d mind sharing the bed.”

“What the hell, Sam? What is it with you? Ever since we got Cas back, you're acting like  we’re some crazy star-crossed lovers. Cas and I, we’re just friends. You know I don’t swing that way.”

“Yeah. Ok, Dean. It wouldn't hurt you to actually have emotions, you know. But I get it, you don’t want to talk about it.”

“No, I don’t. Cas barely even remembers me, and I’m not entirely certain he knows he you even are. Let’s stop freaking the guy out with this crap.”

 

“Hey! I said I’d stop talking to you. That does not mean I've given up. At least he’s not afraid of his emotions. Even if he doesn't remember them.”

“You know what, Sammy? Just for that, I’m taking your bed. Good luck on the chair!” He yelled as he plopped down onto Sam’s bed, passing out just as Castiel had done moments ago.

 **  
** “Ok, Mr. Denial. See you in the morning.” Sam said, picking Dean up and moving him to lay next to Castiel. “I’m sure you’ll sleep well tonight.” He said as he fell back into his own bed, before promptly falling to sleep.


	5. Warm Welcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a bit of a crisis after realizing things with him and Castiel may not be exactly as he remembers they were. Sam has a much needed conversation with Castiel, and everyone works to get Castiel his memories back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got fluffier than I really meant it to be, but I think I balanced it well with a bit of angst. Anyway, Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!

Dean awoke the next morning filled with a sudden warmth that engulfed his body. He felt at peace if not just for a moment. It was a wonderful feeling, but at the same time it made him uncomfortable, it was strange, and he didn’t understand why he suddenly felt this way. He felt something near him, a body, but he hadn’t gone out last night, so how could that be possible. He slowly opened his eyes to see the source of the growing heat beside him. Castiel, he was lying in bed beside Castiel, who had somehow managed to tangle himself in Dean’s arms during the night. Like that, the warm was gone, replaced by a sense of pure panic. How had he gotten in bed with Castiel? Why the hell did he like it? No. He didn’t like it, that’s stupid, he’s Dean fucking Winchester and he does not enjoy cuddling, with his best friend. Because that’s what Castiel was, Dean’s best friend, nothing more. He had to get out of this situation right now, no matter how nice it felt. He needed to get out right now, before anyone noticed, especially Sam. God, the tormenting would never end. Carefully, he disentangled Castiel’s arm from from around him and slipped out from the bed. Checking at the bed beside him to see Sam was sleeping still, then looking back at Castiel, passed out and now gripping a pillow in Dean’s absence.

_Cute_

Oh Hell no, Castiel was not cute. He did not just think of Castiel as cute. That is not at all a normal thing to think about your best friend. Castiel was a badass angel, capable of ganking entire armies of demons. Then again, right now, Cas looked pretty friendly, wrapped in blankets, almost human in a way. Dammit if that wasn’t down right adorable.

_Really? Adorable? That’s worse than cute._

That settled it, he had to get out of here, before his thoughts could go down that road once again. He grabbed his coat off the stand it was slung over the night before, and rushed out the door, making sure he didn’t wake anyone. He hopped in the Impala and headed to the diner he stopped at with Sam the day before. Pie would help him forget his worries, and that is just what he needed right now. He cranked his music up and sped off from the hotel and far from his thoughts of Castiel. This was not going to happen and he was determined to erase all thoughts of it from his mind. He did not have feelings for Castiel, that was not possible, because he was Dean Winchester, and Dean Winchester does not swing that way.

He could feel the vibration of his phone in his pocket, but didn’t look at the called I.D. before putting it on silent and tossing the damn thing in the back seat. It wasn’t like he didn’t know who it was. Sam must have woken up to see he had gone, but as he pulled into the diner parking lot, he knew talking was not something he was capable of doing at the moment. He didn’t want to hear what Sam had to say about his little freak out, or whatever he might have seen that morning. He’d come back in an hour or so and everyone would forget that anything had happened and go back to saving people and hunting like normal. They had a job to do after all, and that meant getting back on the road. On top of all that, Cas needed his memory back to tap into that grace of his, Bobby could probably help with that, so they’d need to call him up too. Whatever it took to fill up his thoughts with anything but what had gone through his head that morning.

\--------

Castiel woke to the sounds of Sam yelling at his phone at throwing it down on the bed. He didn’t see Dean, but figured he was out in the Impala or in the bathroom. He wasn’t sure what he should say to him, he didn’t really even know Sam, he had finally picked up on his name before passing out last night, but besides that, all he really knew was that he was Dean’s brother. How are you supposed to talk to someone you don’t even know, especially when he was clearly angry? This was not as easy without Dean there to guide him. He felt like he was missing something and that feeling was only heightened by his memory loss. He must have moved around enough to alert Sam to his presence as he calmed himself and turned to Castiel.

“Have you seen Dean? He was gone when I got up this morning, the Impala isn’t in the parking lot and he won’t answer his damn phone.”

“No. I did not see him. Do you believe he has left us here?”

“No. He’ll come back. I just thought you might know where he had gone. Or maybe why he had left in the first place.”

“No. I was not awake long last night. Perhaps he went to a bar after I fell asleep.”

“No. He didn’t. He fell asleep on my bed. I.. I may have moved him to your bed, but I didn’t think he’d react like this. He must have stormed off this morning because of it.”

“I don’t understand. Why did you put him into my bed? Why would that make him mad?”

“Cas.. I guess I should explain this to you now. Do you remember anything about your relationship with Dean?”

“Yes. He is my best friend. We are like family. Just as you are his family.”

“Yes and no. I would really hope Dean doesn’t think of me in the same way I’m pretty certain he thinks about you. You wouldn’t remember, but you two were practically inseparable during the apocalypse, between the near constant eye contact and the personal space issues, it was kind of hard to be in a room with you two without feeling a bit uncomfortable.”

“What are you saying? I was not romantically involved with Dean, I am sure of that.”

“No. You guys weren’t really dating or anything, it just felt like you were. It was pretty easy to see, honestly. Even Crowley and Meg could tell.”

 

“I do not know who those people are, Sam. What are you trying to accomplish with this?”

“I don’t know. I guess I figured that now that you’re back he would realize how much he missed you and that would make it easier for him to admit he cared about you. That’s where you come in, if you like him too, which I’m pretty sure you do, it would be easier to convince him of his feelings if you’re on board with the plan.”

“What plan? I assure you, Dean does not have feelings for me in that way.”

“He’s my brother, I know I’ve never seen him act the way he does around you. The plan essentially, is to get him to see that. I just want you to know what I think. We can’t intervene in the process too much, he has to come to the conclusion on his own. Give him time, and I know he’ll get there.”

“Ok. So what do I do then?”

“Nothing much. Just let him know you're here to stay this time. He worries way more than he’d ever admit.”

“I can try. It’s not the easiest to make up for things that I don’t know I have done.”

“Right. We’ll work on that. Just don’t worry too much if he freaks out on you. He doesn’t deal with his emotions well.”

“I know. So, How do we find him?”

“We don’t really need to, He’ll get drunk enough to justify coming back and then probably act like nothing ever happened. You really don’t remember him waking up this morning? I figured there would be mass amounts of shocked flailing.”

“No. I did not wake until I heard you yelling at your phone.”

“Sorry about that. He wasn’t answering his phone. How ‘bout I fill you in on the major events while we wait for him to come back.”

“That would be helpful, Thank you.”

“No problem.”

\--------

Around hour 2 of Dean’s Cas crisis he finally showed back up at the motel room, but couldn’t quite make it inside. He sat in the Impala, knowing there was no way they hadn’t heard him come back. The Impala wasn’t exactly the quietest car around, but that just added to her appeal. She was a presence to be reckoned with, just like her owner. Eventually Dean reached into the back seat to fish for his phone, finally ready to check his messages. He flipped open his phone to see 5 text messages, all from Sam, and 2 more calls as well.

_Seriously, Dean?_

__

_Answer your damn phone!_

__

_Cas is up, he wants to talk to you. I think he misses you._

__

_Just get in the damn motel, Dean! We can see you outside._

__

_Fine, sit out there forever, Jerk._

He laughed at the last one before sending his response back.

_Bitch._

__

He closed his phone and slid it back into his pocket before finally getting out of the Impala and crossing the street to the motel room. He couldn’t avoid this anymore. He needed to come back in before his avoidance became more suspicious than it had already been. He opened the door, half expecting to be bombarded with questions from Sam and curious looks from Cas, but neither occurred. He saw Cas and Sam sitting in front of the T.V. Cas was clearly engrossed in whatever daytime television show was on, while Sam explained the concepts to him. It felt nice to see his family together again after Cas was gone for so long. He shut the door behind him, alerting them to his presence. They turned simultaneously, Sam look a mix of confusion and general annoyance, while Castiel just seemed happy he had returned. Finally, Sam spoke up.

“So, Where did you go off to in such a hurry?”

“I was hungry. I got some pie at that diner.”

“And you didn’t think Cas or I would want something? That’s a little inconsiderate Dean.”

“Yeah, well it’s not my fault you two slept in. If you wanted food, you should have got your asses up.”

“Really, Dean? You’ve never had a problem waking me up before. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. I’m fine. Now, one of us needs to call Bobby and see if he knows anything we can use to get Cas’ memory back.”

“Yeah, you get on that Dean. Because of you bailing on Cas this morning, I had to educate him on pop-culture this morning. I’m going to get Cas and I some food. You can call Bobby.”

“Whatever. Stop bitching and go get your rabbit food.”

 

Sam gave Dean his best bitchface before turning and storming out to the car. Dean turned to Cas, eyes back on the T.V. once more.

“So, What’d he teach you?”

“He told me about the apocalypse, and the war in heaven. He told me that I won, but I made deals with some bad people to do it. He seemed upset when speaking of it. Besides that, he showed me The Price is Right. I enjoy the game, but I do not really understand the point of it.”

“He told you all that? That’s a little heavy for 9 A.M. don’t you think?”

“I wanted to know. You seemed upset and I thought knowing what I had done to cause that might help me to gain your trust once again.”

 

“Cas, that wasn’t why I walked out this morning. I just needed some time to think. But, you’re right, I don’t really know if I can trust the real you, the one with all your memories, but right now, I can look past that to help you get remember.”

“Thank you. Sam’s explanations did help. I found I remembered bits of information as he explained some things. I think this storytelling may be the key to gaining my past back.”

“Really? That stuff helps. Huh. Maybe I could tell you some stories some time.”

“I would like that.”

“Well, for now, I gotta call Bobby. I’ll let you get back to your show.”

“Very well, Dean.”

“We’re gonna get them back you know. I’m not giving up on this. No matter how long it takes. You deserve to know who you are.”

“I know, Dean. Thank you.”

  
Dean turned from Cas, not able to maintain eye-contact anymore because it was getting too emotional for his liking. He went to call Bobby, still trying to repress these confusing feelings that he was starting to realize had been there for longer than he thought. Still, he stuck to the plan. Priority one was getting Cas his memory back, and that’s what they were going to do.


	6. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean worry about Castiel's cold getting any worse, and the boys make plans to head to Bobby's for further help with Castiel's condition. Small amounts of fluff may ensue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't super high on the plot related content, but it is leading up to some big things I have planned for the future. Hope you enjoy, and feel free to comment. Thanks!

“Yeah, ok Bobby. Got it. Yeah. I’m sure. We’ll head over as soon as we can. See ya.” Dean closed his phone and walked back into the room. Bobby hadn’t been much help but it was hard to see the full issue without Cas actually being there. They would need to head up to South Dakota now, in the hopes that something Bobby had could help, or maybe he would have some lore that said something about angel memory loss (highly unlikely, but a man could dream.) He did mention pictures and stories might jog his memory, so they could work on that on the way to South Dakota. When he entered the room, Cas had shut the T.V. off and was now peering down at the menu in his hands.

“You trying to light that thing on fire, Cas?”

“What? I do not believe I can do that Dean. I am merely reading this list of food, Sam texted me to tell me that he was heading to the library and that I should order food to the room. He suggested salad, but I am not sure I would like that.”

“Hey. Hey. Wait a second. He texted you? How the hell did he do that?”

“I have a phone Dean. I believe it is mine. It was in my coat pocket when you gave it back to me. Now, what are your opinions of this food?”

“Cas, you can’t eat that hotel crap. Order a pizza or something. The number should be in the phonebook, just have them deliver it to the room.”

“Very Well. I shall procure us a pizza.”

 

Five minutes later Cas was on the phone, arguing with the pizza place about just wanting a pizza, he had no interest in toppings and would like him to stop asking him about anything but the pizza. To which Dean replied that he had to get toppings, and Cas glared at him like he had just committed murder. At this point Dean had two options, either let Cas continue on this rant and hope a pizza actually shows up and contains the necessary components required to be an actual pizza, or he could just take the phone from Cas now and fix the mess he had made. Seeing as he was kind of hungry now too, he chose the latter of the two options. He motioned for Cas to hand over the phone and after a few seconds of awkward flailing on Dean’s part, Cas got the idea and handed it over to him. He managed to fix the order and added on a few things for himself and finally hung up the phone. He glanced over at Cas who was staring up at him, exasperated, lying down with his legs flung over the side of the bed. He looked like an angry toddler and that was just a little adorable.

_Nope, Snap out of it Dean, Castiel is not adorable._

__

_Well. Maybe a little bit._

__

_No. Not at all._

 

_Whatever you say._

This was just great, now he was arguing with himself, and losing. What the hell was Cas doing to him? This is getting just a little ridiculous now. It seemed like Cas had noticed his internal conflict as he had now sat up, fixing his gaze back on Dean.

“I could have done that, you know? I am capable of making a phone call. I am amnesiac not a child.”

“Oh come on, Cas. You were not handling that at all. If I would have let you be, we would have ended up with an uncooked ball of dough with nothing on it.”

“Whatever, Dean. I was doing just fine. Now, when will the pizza be here?”

“Oh, I forgot what he said, twenty minutes I think?”

“And you say I am incapable of making a phone call.”

“Hey! You’re distracting, this is your fault not mine.”

Oh God. Had he just said that at loud? He definitely didn't mean to. And it totally was Cas’ fault, those damn blue eyes and messy hair were downright distracting. But Cas’ stare had yet to change, still filled with the same annoyance as before, so maybe he hadn't noticed the meaning behind what Dean had said.

“This is not my fault Dean. You were the one that said I was incapable of making a phone call.”

“Well, you are. It’s not like it matters exactly when it’s getting here, at least now it’ll be an actual pizza that shows up.”

“Sure. That is if it actually shows up. Thank you, Dean. You are clearly so much more capable than I. What would I ever do without out you?” Castiel said, with much more sarcasm than was to be expected from someone who barely understood the concept.

“Jeez, man. What crawled up your ass and died? You seemed fine earlier.”

“I’m hungry, Dean. I haven’t eaten since last night. Now please, just allow me to rest until the pizza shows up. I’m still not feeling well.”

 ****  


\----------

Sam showed up in the motel room a couple hours later, with a stack of books in tow. He opened the door to find Castiel wrapped in both Dean’s and his blankets, sleeping in Dean’s bed with a pizza box lying abandoned at the end. Dean was sitting at the table looking over some of their old books and glancing over at Cas occasionally to check on him. It was kind of sweet in a super uncomfortable way. As Sam walked through the door, kicking it closed behind him, Dean glared at him and pointed over at Castiel shifting around in bed.

“Sorry.” Sam whispered with a somewhat pained expression. “Is he ok?” he added.

“Yeah, Sammy. At least he was until the evil Sasquatch stormed the village and woke the sleeping angel.”

“Real funny, Dean. Seriously, is he ok? He looks sick. That doesn't seem like a good sign.”

“I don’t know, Sam. It seems like a cold, which I guess should be something he can live through just fine. But he shouldn't be getting sick at all if he’s still an angel. I don’t really know what to do.”

“Did you get a hold of Bobby?”

 

“Yeah, he didn't know much but said he’d look. He wants us to head up there whenever we get a chance. I said we could probably head out tomorrow. I wanted Cas to rest for today.”

“Yeah, ok. We can do that. We’ll swing by the store and get Cas some cold medicine. That should at least knock him out for the car ride there.”

Castiel was growing more restless and that shifted both Winchesters attention back to the lump of a man lying in Dean’s bed. He groaned and shifted a bit before finally sitting up and staring at the older Winchester with a confused look on his face. His hair was smashed down on one side and there were tiny splashes of drool rolling down from his mouth. It was simultaneously one of the most hilarious and adorable things Dean had ever seen. At this point, he had all but given up on the prospect of thinking of Cas as anything but friggin’ adorable because he just was. There really was no denying that, not even if he really, really wanted to.

“ I feel… much better.” Castiel stated as he began removing his multiple layers of blankets.

“That’s great, man. You should be good to go for the trip to Bobby’s then.” Dean responded.

“Yes. When are we leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning. That is, if you’re feeling up to it?” Sam asked.

“I will be fine. I was just tired. Thank you, but you do not have to worry about me.”

“That’s the thing, buddy. We do kind of have to worry about you. We have no clue how your body is gonna react to things that are normal for humans. An angel can’t even get sick as far as we know. What you got going on ain't exactly angel anymore, but it’s not human either.” Dean said, looking to Castiel with a confused sadness in his eyes.

“I assure you, Dean, I will be fine. We must get to Bobby’s and once I have my memories back, then I can hopefully return to my normal form.”

“I don’t want either of you to get your hopes up. Bobby might not be able to help, and even if Cas gets his memories back, he might still be stuck sorta human. I mean, look at him now, we told him what he is, but he still can’t access his full powers. Maybe he’s just been cut off.” Sam said, tilting his head slightly toward Castiel.

“We know. But we gotta try. We’re not gonna give up on him.”

“Yeah, I know that, Dean. I wasn't asking you to, I just wanted you to be prepared for the worst.”

“Aren't I always?”

“I guess. Let’s just take it one step at a time. We can head out to the diner for dinner, get some sleep and head out first thing in the morning. All right?”

“Sounds good.”

\-------------

Castiel woke the next morning to a familiar feeling, an arm wrapped around his chest, warm and comforting. It was soothing in a way, providing relief from the stress he’s been put through the past few days. He blinked his eyes open, seeing he was the first one up, and stared down at the man, Dean, that laid beside him. He remembered last night, convincing Dean that he was so cold and no amount of blankets was able to fix that (Not entirely truthful, but he was feeling kind of sick once again.) After a bit of resistance, Dean had joined him in the bed, after Castiel promised he would not say a word about it to anyone. He could see through the stubborn exterior, and knew that Dean was happy to provide comfort for him, though he would never admit it, Castiel could see that he enjoyed sharing a bed with him. He watched as Dean slowly awoke and began to realize where he was, he looked up into Castiel’s eyes and for a brief moment, it looked like he was comforted by his presence as well. Then, his walls went back up he shifted his arms from their place on Castiel. He pushed off the covers and got up from the bed, walking over to the bathroom before Sam could get up and hog it for a half an hour. Castiel immediately missed his presence beside him, the warmth he gave off now leaving a cold spot in Castiel. He looked over to where the door was now closed, and could vaguely make out the sounds of the shower turning on. He wondered if he would need to shower again before he regained his memories, and that thought brought back the memory of his shower at Daphne’s house. He was uncertain if he was willing to go through that again just to cleanse himself. He looked across from him where Sam was now waking up, and staring to the closed bathroom door.

“At least he didn't dart out this time.” He said with a small chuckle.

“Yes. That was a pleasant surprise.” Castiel responded.

“You ready to head out?” Sam asked

“I think so. I am eager to see if Bobby can be of any aid. I am also excited to meet him, you two seem very close to him.”

“You already know him Cas, but yeah, I get it. He doesn't hate you, so don’t worry too much.”

“I won’t”

As their conversation died out, the sounds of the running water began to trickle to a stop and Dean soon re-emerged from the bathroom, dressed and ready to go. They had packed the night before so they could get as early a start as possible. After Sam’s quick (Thanks to Dean’s constant complaining) shower, they were headed out to the Impala, ready to begin their trip.

“Cas, you know how you want us to share things with you?”

“Yes, Dean. I find it helps with my flashbacks.”

“Yeah, ok, well this is Lesson 1 in your intro to the greatest music of all time. Led Zeppelin!”

Castiel chuckled at the sound of Sam’s annoyed groaning and his protest that “Not everyone likes that stuff, Dean” and Dean’s “Hey, shotgun shuts his cakehole!” He leaned against the window watching the scenery as the music began to flow throughout the car.

_“And the warmth of your smile starts a-burnin' and the thrill of your touch gives me fright and I'm shaking so much, really yearning why don't you show up, make it alright? Yeah, it's alright. “_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Dean plays is called "Fool in the Rain"


	7. Unknown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys arrive at Bobby's house and begin work on fixing Castiel's memory, but the spell doesn't go exactly as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than the previous ones, I had plans of where I wanted to leave it off, but things got a bit intense and I found myself at a great stopping point, suspense-wise. I promise tomorrow's chapter will make up for it. In other news, I have a Tumblr and thought it might be of benefit to share said Tumblr with you guys. My account name is FantasticalDrew if you would like to check that out. Thanks for reading!

They arrived at Bobby’s home around mid-afternoon, he was waiting for them on the deck when they pulled up in the Impala. Sam ran ahead to explain the situation further while Dean grabbed their bags from the trunk and woke Castiel to take another dose of cold medicine and get him inside. He was just as grumpy as he had been the last time Dean had woken up and Dean was quickly realizing he was not a morning person. He mumbled something about being starving, while stomping off into Bobby’s house, saying he’d take the cold medicine on his own because “I am not a child, Dean.” When Dean finally made it inside, there was a bit of a commotion seeing as Bobby made the decision to throw holy water at Castiel, and now he was glaring at him, while his hair clung to his face and water dripped down from it. Dean was fairly certain he was trying to light Bobby on fire with his mind. He turned toward Dean as he entered the room and then huffed in annoyance while turning into the living room and dropping down on the couch.

“Well, Damn. When did you boys take in an angry toddler?  Boy, goes through protocol, did the same thing to you when you came back.”

“Yeah, I know Bobby. He’s not a morning person, and he’s a bit aggravated that he can’t take care of himself. Just leave it alone, he’ll pass out on the couch soon enough.” Dean said.

“Anyway, Sam was tellin’ me what went down. I got a few ideas, I found a book after you called. Got a spell for memory loss, don’t know if it’s worth a damn. Angels might be immune or somethin’ but It’s worth a try. Should have most of the ingredients here, just gotta round ‘em up. Dean, think you can calm your angel down long enough for us to get it in his system?”

“When did he become my angel?” Dean protests.

“Boy, he was your angel the second he raised your ass, now go calm him down.”

“Yes, sir.” Dean said in defeat. He knew there was no point in protesting anymore, because deep inside him, he knew Bobby was right.

He entered the living room, looking down at Castiel who was now sprawled across the couch. Though he couldn’t see his face, having buried it in the cushions, Dean knew he wasn’t sleeping. He sat on the end of the couch, moving Castiel’s feet and placing them back over his lap. Castiel shifted a little, but didn’t move to get up.

“Sorry, Bobby just had to make sure it was you. Hunters never really learn to trust anyone, he did it to me too,  after you raised me. It’s just a little holy water though, you’ll be fine.”

“I know, Dean. I am sorry I reacted that way. I should apologize to Bobby.” Castiel said as he moved to get up, before Dean grabbed his shoulder and pushed him back onto the couch.

“Hey, you can apologize later. Bobby’s working on a spell right now, you just need to rest and try to get rid of that cold. Did you take the medicine I gave you?”

“Yes. Thank you, Dean.”

“No problem. Now lie down and I’ll get you some of the soup Daphne gave us, I think we still have some in the trunk.”

Dean rose from the couch, patting Castiel’s shoulder once more before removing his hand and going outside. It hurt him to see Castiel was not recovering as much as he had thought. He hated not being able to fix anything, he couldn’t bring his memory back and he couldn’t even get rid of a stupid cold. Watching as Castiel fell further from grace was just another reminder of why he had even fell in the first place. Even the whole mess with leviathan and Castiel thinking he needed to play God was his fault in the end. He was supposed to be his best friend, if anyone could have noticed something was wrong, it would be him, but he didn’t. He went and played house with Lisa instead of helping someone who had given up everything for him. He wasn’t sure that Castiel would even want to be around him once he remembered how Dean had practically abandoned him to fix his own problems. It was then that he made the decision to enjoy Castiel while he could. It was selfish, but if Cas never wanted to see him again, then he was going to use all the time they had to make up for the things he had done.

\------------

Later that night, Bobby claimed the spell needed one more thing and then they could start the administration of the potion. Apparently,they needed some of Castiel’s hair for the spell, and Dean thought it was a little hilarious how attached Cas had gotten to his hair. He made them clip from underneath the top layer so it was harder to see the shorter length. After that Bobby brewed the potion and had Castiel sip from the thing once every ten minutes for an hour. Castiel said that it tasted of molecules, but continued to drink every so often. Dean grew more nervous as the liquid lowered down Castiel’s throught. According to the spell, after the drink was gone, they needed to read the spell in unison with Castiel, and his memories should be returned to him. Dean wasn’t sure he was all that prepared for what the outcome of the spell could be, but he knew that Cas would need his memory back, so he played along. It would be unfair of him to keep him in the dark, but he much prefered the idea of Castiel gaining his memories back over time, piece by piece, Dean felt like he was more of use that way. As long as Castiel needed him, he couldn’t leave Dean, which is what he feared was going to happen now. He observed Castiel as he drank the last drops of the glowing blue liquid in the vile, then stood to begin the incantation. Once Castiel set the bottle down, the joined hands and formed a circle around Castiel, who spoke the words along with them. There was a glow from inside Castiel, faint but enough for them to think the spell had begun effect. Then, it was gone, and Castiel fell to the floor as the light from him faded. Dean dropped down alongside him, pulling him up and calling for him.

“Cas! Cas, come on man, wake up! Cas! I can’t lose you again. Don’t do this to me!” He sobbed into Castiel’s shoulder as the other man lied limp against him.

“Dean, stop. You gotta let us check him out. It probably just needs to go through his system differently, because he’s an angel.” Sam spoke from behind.

“Shut up. What the hell did the spell do to him? You didn’t tell me it wasn’t safe!”

“Boy, you knew the risk. You know there ain’t a thing on angel’s in these damn books. Now calm down, before you kill the both of ya’.”

Dean slowly stood from his place on the ground, still holding on to Castiel, placing him down on the couch and lying a blanket over him. He tried to slow his breathing and stop the tears from falling down his face, which proved to be no small effort. He had apparently gotten himself worked up more than he had thought. Then again, legitimate thoughts kind of left the building the moment that Castiel fell. He watched in silence as Bobby looked over Castiel, and Sam cleaned up the mess made while brewing the potion. A few moments passed before Bobby spoke once more.

“He’s ok. Still breathin’ at least. Don’t know how long he’ll be out, but I’m pretty sure he’ll come too by mornin’.”

“You guys go to bed. It’s been a long day. I’ll stay here and watch Cas, make sure nothing changes overnight.” Dean said as he walked over to Castiel’s side, repeating the motion from earlier that day, lifting Castiel’s feet for a moment to slide onto the couch alongside him.

“Boy, stop being a damn idjit. You need to sleep too. Cas’ is fine, and if he isn’t we’ll find a way to fix it. No use killin’ yourself over it.”

“No. I’m not leaving him. I won’t be able to sleep without knowing he’s ok anyway. Just let me stay here. You go to bed.”

 

“Are you sure you’ll be ok, Dean?” Sam questioned from his place beside the stairs.

“No, I’m not ok. But I know I need to be here for Cas right now. I’ll be fine once he wakes up.”

“Ok, just please, at least try to sleep.”

Dean nodded as he watched Bobby and Sam head up the stairs. He looked back down to Castiel and smoothed some of his hair away from his forehead, placing a soothing kiss to his temple.

“It’s gonna be ok, Cas. I’ll make sure it is.” He said

He watched as Castiel shifted into the touch, but didn’t wake. He sighed to himself, tired from the stress of the day, but unable to sleep for fear that Castiel may wake. He knew it was stupid to wait here all night, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. So, he ran his hand through the dark brown hair atop Castiel’s head and sung under his breath, attempting to calm them both.

_“I'm frantic in your soothing arms. I can not sleep in this down filled world. I've found safety in this loneliness, But I can not stand it anymore.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Dean sings to Cas is called "Unnamed Feeling" by Metallica.


	8. Going Nowhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel wakes up from his comatose state and contemplates his use to the team. Sam and Bobby coerce Dean into doing something he should have done a long time ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter totally seems like a good end point, but I promise it's not. Just a few more chapters I think and maybe an epilogue. Castiel has to get his memory back before I can end it, it just wouldn't be right to leave him hanging. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!

Castiel slowly rises from the emptiness of the coma-like state he had fallen into. He looks around for a sign of what had occurred the previous night, or possibly several nights before, he really couldn’t tell how long he had been out. He notices that it’s dark outside, so maybe he really hadn’t been asleep that long. He tries to remember what he had been doing before passing out, but finds he cannot. He hears the faint sound of snores beside him and turns to notice Dean sleeping next to him on the couch, with Castiel’s feet pulled up on top of him and his hand placed on top of one of his legs. He moves to sit up, but quickly realizes this action may wake Dean and stops himself. He looks around the room, looking for a clock, and finally finds one almost too far to make out from his position on the couch. He pushes himself forward slightly but his leg catches against Dean’s grasp and he loses his balance on the couch and falls off in a tangle of blankets.

“Cas!” Dean shouts from his position on the couch, looking down at Castiel, eyes widened with shock and fear.

“I.. I am ok, Dean. Would you mind explaining what happened?”

“What? You don’t remember? Anything?”

“Yes and No. I remember everything since I woke up from my perceived death, but not the entirety of my past. I was wondering what had happened before I had passed out.”

“Oh. We gave you a potion and said the spell Bobby found trying to get your memory back, guess that didn’t work seeing as you still don’t know any more. You kinda passed out at the end of the spell, I lifted you to the couch and I guess I fell asleep. That was about five hours ago.”

“I am so sorry, Dean. I know you wished my memories would come back. I do not mean to be a further burden. If you wish to rid yourself of me, I will understand.”

“No. You can’t honestly believe I would be ok with that. You’re family Cas, and honestly I don’t care if you remember everything right away. As long as you're safe, I’m good. You are not a burden.”

“But I am, Dean. You desire to be hunting and I am holding you here.” He insisted.

“Seriously, Cas. Stop. We all care about you. So, I guess you’re stuck with me, because I’m going nowhere without you and Sam by my side.”

“Why? I have been of no use to you, and I understand that I must have done something to break your trust in the past. Why would you want to help? Why would you want to be anywhere near me.”

“Cas, you’re right. You did break my trust, but I get it. I’m not saying it’s ok, because it’s not, but I will learn to trust you again. I care about you, and it might have taken months of being  without you to realize that, but now I’m not just gonna let you walk away again.” He said solemnly, realizing this whole speech has been one huge chick-flick moment, he quickly added “Now, can we stop with the emotions, I think I’ve had more than enough for one day.”

Castiel stared back at him, looking as though he wished to speak, but held himself back. He got to his feet and repositioned himself on the couch. Now sitting across from Dean, no longer touching as they were before, he cocooned himself within his blankets. Dean stared back at him, wondering if he had said something wrong, but dispelling the idea when he saw a small smile curve the edges of Cas’ lips, before he spoke.

“Very well, Dean. I know you are “allergic to feelings” as Sam would say. Could you please make me some tea, my throat is feeling scratchy.”

“Sure thing. But, the minute your back to full-on angel, you’re making your own damn tea. Dean Winchester is not a housewife.”

“Of course not, Dean” Castiel quipped, staring at Dean as he walked toward the kitchen.

\----------

“So, it didn’t work at all?” Sam questioned, slightly shocked that nothing had changed after Cas’ sudden coma.

“Nope. Mr. Comatose here woke up at like 4 A.M. and said he still had no clue what was going on. Said Dean, head tilted toward Cas to indicate his lack of memory.

 

‘I resent that. It was by no will of my own that I fell into that state.” Castiel shouted from the living room.

Dean laughed for a moment, staring back at Castiel, shaking his head. He could feel Sam staring at him, and sensed that some pretty hardcore teasing was going to come out of this little moment he was having with Castiel.

“Dean, you should see yourself, it’s kind of adorable.” Sam laughed.

“Shut up. I told you before, we’re just friends. Not my fault Cas likes me more than you.”

“Dean, I think you know that’s a lie. I’m not blind, we can all see the way you two look at each other. Just man up and ask him to dinner or something. He eats a hell of a lot more now so I’m sure he’d be happy to accept the offer.”

“Dean Winchester does not date. Especially not my angel best friend. Come on, that’s just weird. He’s a dude and a freakin’ angel. Nothing about that is ok with me.”

“Oh. so now you have a problem with angels? I don’t remember that being the case with Anna.”

“Hey. Anna was different. I didn’t want to date her, it was just a one time thing.”

“So you admit it. You do want to date Cas.”

“Shut up, Sam. That is not what I said.”

“It kind of is, Dean. I don’t really see the problem here. If you want to date Cas, then do it. There’s nothing stopping you. If it’s the whole “He’s a dude” thing, Bobby and I are totally ok with it, we just want you guys to be happy.”

“Sam, we’re hunters, that’s not our life, it never will be. Dating and relationships don’t work, I’m not gonna settle down with Cas and have some apple pie life. I just can’t.”

“Dean, listen, the leviathan are gone, heaven’s been quite, Crowley’s keeping the demons in check, It’s nothing other hunters can’t handle. Besides, even if you didn’t want to settle down, Cas is kind of an honorary hunter anyway, he’d understand. You could make this work if you’d get off your ass and try.”

“Seriously, Sam! Are you really sitting here talking me into dating Cas? The guy who has expressed practically no interest in anyone, ever.”

“That’s not even true, you’re just too blind to see it.”

Bobby chose that moment to walk back down the stairs, into the on going argument being whispered between the brothers. Dean turned to him as if to ask for help, and he sighed and turned toward the living room to see Castiel reading on the couch. He had an idea what the argument was about, but really didn’t care to get involved. Seeing as he was the only one that could end it however, he had to step in.

“What’d Dean do this time?” He asked.

“He’s being an idiot. I told him we would be ok with him and Cas being together, seeing as they practically are already, but he claims neither of them have feelings for each other.”

Bobby turned to Castiel and then to Dean, looking at him with a tired, somewhat annoyed expression.

“Boy, stop bein’ an idjit and man up. That angel over there loves you, and you love him. We ain’t stupid, son and I’m not hearin’ another word. You march your ass in there and do somethin’ about it.”

“But Bobby--” Dean complained before being cut off.

“Don’t you whine at me boy, get in there.” He pointed toward Castiel, who was now looking back to observe the argument occurring in the kitchen.

Dean nodded sheepishly, and rose from his chair, unsure of what to do. He sulked into the living room and nudged at Castiel’s feet until he pulled them inward allowing Dean to sit down next to him. Castiel broke the silence first, confused about the yelling that had been happening behind him.

“Dean, is something wrong? Are they mad that the potion did not take effect?”

“No, this isn’t your fault Cas, nothing’s wrong, not really I guess.”

“What is it then, Dean?”

“I… I don’t exactly know how to do this.”

“What, Dean?”

“Just… Just give me a few seconds.”

“You’ve had years, Dean!” Sam yelled from the kitchen, but then Dean heard the faint “Ow” coming from the kitchen as Bobby smacked the side of his head and led him back upstairs.

“Ok. I’m just gonna do this. Castiel… Cas I.. Do you want to go get dinner with me, like tonight or something?”

“Very well, Dean. Will Bobby and Sam be joining us as well?”

“I… I don’t think you understand. Bobby and Sammy wouldn’t be with us. God this is so stupid, never mind.” He said as he moved to get up from the couch.

Castiel grabbed his wrist in a moment of unconscious panic and he pulled him back down unto the couch. He wasn’t sure what Dean was trying to ask him, but he didn’t like the faint hurt and sadness he saw behind his eyes. Maybe he had done that to Dean. He didn’t ever want to be the reason for Dean to feel any sort of pain. So, he pushed him back onto the couch and would force him to explain himself.

“No, Dean. Say what you were going to, it is not stupid.”

“Cas, trust me. If you knew what I was going to say, you’d definitely think it was stupid.”

“Dean, I value everything you say, please continue.”

Normally, Castiel’s strange brand of honesty made Dean uncomfortable, but in this odd moment he felt it was just another thing to love about Castiel. He looked up to see Castiel staring back at him with those penetrating blue eyes, and knew he had to get through this whole speech, but he was going to do it his way.

“Cas, I was trying to ask you on a date. Without Sam, without Bobby, just us.”

“You mean to say that you have romantic intentions with me.”

“Jeez, Cas, did you have to put it that way? But, yeah I guess that’s what I’m trying to say.”

“Okay, Dean.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, I will go on this date with you. But I do have one question.”

“Shoot.”

“Is this something we have done before? Before I “exploded” as you said.”

“God no. Not that I didn’t want to, I just don’t think I knew that’s something I wanted before it was gone, you know?”

“Not really, but I understand what you are trying to say. You must understand that I do not know how these things are to work. I have never “dated” anyone before.”

“Yeah, I get that. Honestly, I haven’t really either.”

“We shall learn together then.”

“Yeah, I guess we will.” He said standing to clear the room before this moment could continue.

“Well, We can head out tonight. I’m gonna go work on Baby.”

“Yes, Dean, that will be fine.” Castiel said, picking up his book from the table and beginning to read once more.

That went much better than Dean had been suspecting, he didn’t accidentally insult Cas or throw up from an overload of emotions. Oddly, it was kind of a painless process, like it was something inevitable. When he really thought about it, it kinda was inevitable, something that was meant to happen since that moment that he saw Castiel. That got him thinking, Castiel didn’t even remember meeting him, not really at least. He had a lot of stories to tell, and that needed to be the first. He began to plan a way to get these tales across to Castiel without actually recounting them, cause a few of those would turn into big chick-flick moments and that seemed to happen way too often lately. Maybe, he could write them down and give them to Cas, sort of like a fairytale. He had a lot of writing ahead of him, he realized, but maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. Quickly, he grabbed a scrap of paper and pen from the glove compartment of Baby and sprawled his first note to Castiel and snuck back inside quietly, realizing he had already been out there a while, almost an hour. Castiel was sleeping with on the couch with his book in his hand and Dean snuck over and placed the note on the open page, leaving before he could wake and sneaking back out to finish his work on the Impala.


	9. Remember Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel go on their first date, Sam is not helpful, and food is consumed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, after this I will be posting one more chapter tomorrow and then the epilogue the day after that, for a grand total of eleven chapters. I'm not certain if I will revisit this story or not, that kinda depends on what I end up writing next. There will be more from me, I just can't be certain it will be within the confines of this story. Anyway, thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!

Castiel woke a few hours later, lifting the book from his lap to see a small slip of paper fall out. He picked up the paper and began to read, what appeared to be Dean’s handwriting. As he continued to read and realize what this note was, he could feel a lump in his throat beginning to form. It was such a kind gesture, something he hadn’t expected out of someone who takes pride in their lack of emotion. He got up from the couch and stumbled on the blankets he had entangled himself in, but recovered quickly as he set out to find Dean.

This was not a hard thing to do, seeing as Dean was still outside working on the Impala. He didn’t understand how Dean could spend hours out there even though there was never anything wrong with the car. The closer he walked toward Dean, the quicker he realized that he didn’t really know what he was going to say. He knew that the note warranted a response, a thank you at least, and if he wanted him to continue writing the notes, he had to acknowledge his gratitude. He stilled himself before looking up to see Dean watching him, and with a slight stutter he pushed his words out.

“D..Dean, I got your note. It was very kind of you, thank you.”

“It’s no problem. I just thought you should know.”

“I do appreciate it. I was unaware of the violent nature of our meeting. I could not believe I would ever seek to harm you.”

“Oh. No Cas, that’s not exactly how that worked out. You wanted to meet me, because you saved me and I’m the righteous man, blah blah blah, Bobby and I tried to kill you because Pamela saw your true form, you know, the massive fiery ball of winged destruction, and it burned her eyes out. We thought you were evil, dude. I guess you just wanted to talk, I doubt you expected us to unload the artillery on you.”

“Oh. Because you are a hunter, you assumed I sought to harm you. Being that I used to be a supernatural creature and all.”

“Why’d you say that? used to be? Like you aren’t an angel anymore.”

“I don’t believe I am. When I first woke up, I felt this strength inside me, like the grace you spoke of, and I don’t feel that anymore. I believe it may be the reason I was ill, seeing as my cold is gone as well.”

“Cas, I’m so sorry. Are you sure?”

“Well, I don’t have a way to know for certain, but I don’t feel it’s presence anymore. You do not have to be sorry, without my memories, I don’t really have anything to miss, I don’t even know what being an angel had been like.”

“No, Cas, I’m sorry because this is all my fault. I led you away from heaven and left you before you were fully capable of making decisions without thinking like one of heaven’s soldiers. Now you’ve fallen and you don’t even remember most of your life, and it’s all my fault.”

“Dean, I promise you, this is not your fault. I’m fine, I feel nothing for Heaven. I care about you and Sam and Bobby. I am happy here with you and your family.”

“Really? You’re happy with us?”

“Yes, Dean.”

“That’s great, Cas. Now, enough of the chick-flick stuff, I’m gonna get cleaned up and we can go to dinner.”

“I would like that, Dean. Thank you.”

\----------

Fifteen minutes later, Dean was out of the shower and making his best attempt at getting dressed. He dug through the clothes he kept with him, looking for something suitable to wear, even if they were just going to some diner. This was Cas, so it felt so much more important that he act respectable and dressed properly for this date thing they were going on. Sam walked in the room, right on cue, with a smirk on his face that just said “I’m never gonna let you live this down.” Even though this whole damn thing was his idea, he seemed to find a lot of humor in the fact that the events had actually transpired.

“Picking out your dress for the prom, Dean?” He mocked.

“Shut up, Sammy. This was your idea, you want this to work. So, why don’t you get off your ass and come help me.”

 

“Dean, you know Cas doesn’t care what you’re wearing. The guy spent years wearing one outfit all the time.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t mean that I can’t give him the whole human dating experience thing. He’s never done this before, I mean, I haven’t really either, but I know way more than he does.”

“Fine, Dean. You want my help, wear these.” He said plucking a button up shirt and the only pair of jeans Dean owned without holes in them, and tossing them at Dean’s face.

“Bitch.”

“Jerk. And just so you know, Cas has been ready for like twenty minutes, so hurry it up, princess.” He said, slamming the door behind him before Dean had a chance to yell back.

\----------

Castiel had been waiting for almost half an hour before Dean came rushing down the stairs, jacket in hand, trying to avoid the looks Sam was giving him from the kitchen. Castiel looked at him with something near reverence mixed with an emotion entirely new to him. He looked wonderful, dressed up slightly more than usual and Castiel allowed himself to stare a bit longer than usual, until he heard Sam break out in laughter beside him and a blush spread across his face as he looked away.

“Ready to go, Cas?” He heard Dean say.

He nodded and walked toward the door, setting his book down at the table as he crossed the room. He grabbed his dirty old trenchcoat that he had grown to love all over again, and swung it over his arms before exiting the home, following closely behind Dean as he led him to the car.

“Where are we going?” He asked before stepping inside the car.

“Just a place Sam and I used to go with Bobby when we were little. It’s just in town, not too far from here. They’ve got the best burger’s in South Dakota. You’re vessel, Jimmy, loved burgers, so I assume you do to.”

“Ok. That sounds nice.” He stated before buckling into the Impala.

 

Dean looked over at him, taking a moment to appraise his attire and smiling to himself. Castiel didn’t understand what was so appealing about what he was wearing but there must be something about it if it made Dean smile. Dean turned back to the steering wheel, getting ready to start the car, before leaning over and grabbing a box of cassette tapes.

“Got any requests, Cas?”

“Not really, I do not know many of these bands, besides the few you have shown me.I believe I will trust your judgement on this matter.”

“Good choice, Cas.” He smirked as he pulled out a cassette and slipped it into the player.

 

The car fell into a comfortable silence before the music began to flood his ears.

_“Though the winds of change may blow around you, but that will always be so When love is pain it can devour you, if you are never alone I would share your load.”_

Sometimes Castiel wondered if Dean chose songs based on his emotions, because he had such a hard time dealing with them. It was nice to think that Dean cared enough to share his love of music with Castiel, he appreciated it more than Dean would probably ever know. It made him feel more human in a way, when he could understand the thoughts and feelings expressed by the song lyrics. He lost himself in the music, staring out of the window, perfectly content just to sit and listen with Dean.

\-----------

They pulled into a diner just under twenty minutes after leaving Bobby’s house. It was small, but felt hospitable and warm. The place made you feel like you were with family. As they walked through, he saw an ice cream bar and was determined to coerce Dean into allowing them to purchase some before they left. Dean got them a table near the window and soon, they were seated across from each other, falling back into the comfortable silence that seemed to linger between them. As he glance across the menu, Dean finally spoke up.

“Hey, Cas?”

“Yes, Dean.”

“You know, I’m actually kind of glad Sam pushed me into doing this. I like spending time with you.”

“And I as well Dean. I enjoy your companionship.”

“So, listen. I don’t exactly do this sorta thing normally. But…If it’s something you want, I’m willing to try. You know, the whole dating thing.”

“I think I would like that Dean.”

“Cool. So, what are you ordering?”

“I do not know. I have not heard of most of these things before. Daphne mostly made me breakfast food and soup.”

“Do you want me to order for you? I think I can guess what you’d like.”

“Very well, Dean. What do you suggest?”

“Always go with the classics, man. We can just get two burgers and some fries. Couple a drinks too. That sound ok?”

“Yes, Dean. I believe they will be adequate.”

Dean waved the waitress over and ordered their food, throwing in a slice of pie for them to share. Castiel thought for a moment that this was something he would like to do all the time. He looked up to Dean staring back at him, with a fond smile on his face.

“What?” Dean asked.

“Nothing. I just enjoy seeing you Happy.”

“Yeah, it’s nice not having to worry about some crazy demon bursting through the door and trying to murder everyone, at least for an hour or two. I mean, I’m still on alert just in case, but I do feel more relaxed around you.”

 

“I’m glad.”

\---------

It was dark outside now, the air had gotten significantly colder now, and Castiel was near shivering standing outside, waiting for Dean to finish paying. He had been successful in his attempts to convince Dean that ice cream was something he had to try, even though he already had at Daphne’s house and had become quite addicted the stuff. Now they were about ready to go back to the life of hunter’s and Castiel couldn’t help but feel a little sad at that thought. He watched Dean exit the store and walk back toward where Castiel was standing, leaning against the Impala. He looked as though he sensed Castiel’s sadness as he grabbed his hand when he got near the car.

“Hey, we can do this again you know? When I said I would try, I meant that.”

“I know. I’m being stupid. I just don’t understand your life. It seems so lonely and I hate to see you unhappy.”

 

“Hey, come here.” He said pulling Castiel closer, noses almost touching.

Castiel’s breathing became uneven as his heart rate increased. He heard Dean suck in a breath and felt him leaning in. Castiel leaned in as well, following Dean’s lead. Finally, he felt the soft press of lips against his, and was lost for just a moment before kissing Dean back. He felt Dean dig his hands through his hair and he gripped at Dean’s waist in an effort to pull themselves closer. It was like now that this was something he knew Dean wanted, he couldn’t get close enough to him. They kissed for what seemed like forever, before needing air and pulling away, just enough to see each other’s eyes.

Then, something sparked in Castiel’s eyes, like a shock wave, things came flooding back to him, engulfing his mind. He saw Dean and Sam and a million others that he could now name. Brothers and sisters, a faceless god. Everything he’d ever known, millions of years worth of knowledge, overtook every piece of his thoughts. He glanced up at Dean to see the worried expression on his face, knowing that he must have zoned out as the memories slowly trickled inside him. He had to say something, before Dean shut down again, something that made him understand this feeling was not because of him. So many things came into his mind, but only few words broke out.

  
“I remember.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song used in the car is "In the Light" by Led Zeppelin.


	10. Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel settle some unresolved issues and everything comes to a close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're are here everyone, the final chapter. Of course that's not exactly true, seeing as I will post the epilogue tomorrow, but it's the thought that counts. Thank you all for reading this, I will post my final comments tomorrow along with the epilogue.

“Fucking hell. How am I gonna explain this to anyone?” Dean shouted, with somewhat unconvincing anger.

“Explain what? I believe our physical connection was able to break the hold on my memories. It is not a hard concept to understand, I am sure with Sam’s level of intelligence he will get it.”

“It’s not that he won’t get it, Cas. It’s the fact that the little moment we just had has to hold some kind of record for worlds biggest chick-flick moment. Sam’ll never let me live this down.”

“I apologize. We had no way of knowing what would trigger my memories.”

“It’s ok, Cas. I’m not mad at you, that was one hell of a kiss, but I could have done without the constant smirk on Sammy’s stupid face. Hey, this is good news isn’t it? You know everything now, right?”

Castiel contemplated this for a moment, it seemed that he had remembered his past in great detail, horrible ending included. He didn’t know how Dean would react to knowing he was fully aware of what he had done. Castiel wished more than anything that he could have stayed suspended in this day, when Dean had seemed so happy and content just moments before. It didn’t seem fair to drag him right back into all of the angel issues. Then there was the small matter of Castiel not even being an angel anymore. How was he supposed to tell Dean that he was useless once again, right after nearly destroying everything they had worked so hard to preserve. In that moment, Castiel felt that he did not deserve the happiness that Dean had always offered him, it was not right to accept without doing penance for his crimes. Dean seemed to sense his distress as he took Castiel’s chin in his hand and tilted his head up to look him in the eyes.

“Hey, you know I’m not mad anymore, right?” He asked

“No. I was not certain you would not hate me once I was aware of my past crimes. I understand if you do not forgive me, or if you would like me to leave. It is unfair of me to ask of you anymore than I already have, I will go, maybe then I can do penance and you could try and forgive me.”

“Cas, I do forgive you, I think I did a long time ago. Please, don’t leave. I said you we’re family, and that means I’m gonna be with you, no matter what happens.”

“Thank you, Dean. You are a very kind man. You deserve much more than I can offer you.”

“Hey, if I’ve got you and Sammy, I’m good.”

Dean leaned in to capture Castiel’s lips in his once again. It was slow and gentle, almost a recurrence that Dean was there, not throwing Castiel into the street as he had expected. It worked for the most part, allowing Castiel to lose himself in the warmth Dean provided but not allowing him to forget the pain entirely. He pulled back slowly, not wanting to move from Dean, but knowing that he had other important matters to discuss.

“Dean?”

“Yeah, Cas.”

“I am certain I am no longer an angel. I thought you should know that before we continue. I do not want you to value me more than I am worth. I understand if it changes things, I know I am not of much use when I am without my powers. It makes me as you say “A baby in a trench coat.” He said solemnly, lifting his mouth in an effort to smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

Dean stared at him, as if trying to access his lack of grace, or maybe just to judge his worth as Castiel had thought he would do. Then, he smiled. It was a slow, all encompassing smile, allowing bits of Dean’s walls to come down. It wasn’t a smile that Castiel had seen often, or ever if he really thought about it. It was filled with a warmth unfamiliar to both of them.

“You’re gettin’ really good at this whole self-loathing thing. I see my lessons have paid off.” He said sarcastically. “Come on, man. What is it gonna take to show you that I’m not leaving. Do you need a big declaration, cause I’ll do it, if it’ll stop your little pity party you're throwing yourself.” He added.

“What do you mean?”

“I love you, Cas. I thought you knew that. Guess I’m not great at expressing that in words. In fact, I don’t think I’ve said that to anyone since maybe Cassie, but I don’t even know. What I do know, is that I love you. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that that’s what that feeling is.”

“I...I don’t know what to say Dean. I love you as well, of course. No one has felt that strongly toward me before. My brother’s and sister’s love me of course, but not in the way you express, it is more of a mandatory love. How can you find it in yourself to love someone as broken as me?”

“Maybe cause I’m broken too.”

“I love you, Dean.”

“Yeah, Yeah, I know. Now get in the car. I think I’ve had enough chick-flick moments tonight to last me the rest of the night.”

“Yes, very well.”

Dean seemed happier on the ride home, almost like a weight had been lifted from him. It made Castiel ecstatic to see him in such a way. He watched as Dean sung along to the song playing on the radio, like a performance just for Castiel.

_“Never opened myself this way. Life is ours, we live it our way. All these words I don't just say, And nothing else matters.”_

\----------

****  
  


“So, his memories just poofed on back. Just like that.” Sam said incredulously.

“Yeah. Just like that.” Dean said, for what seemed like the fourth time.

“Wow, Dean. That must have been some kiss. Did he buy you dinner first Cas?”

“Yes, he did. Dean is quite the gentlemen.”

“Oh God, Cas. Don’t respond to him.” Dean said, letting his head fall against the table in a show of agitation and giving up.

“So, are you guys like a thing now?”

“Really? That’s what you care about? Not, “Hey Cas, how ya’ feeling?” or “Gosh Dean, that must have been emotionally difficult, would you like to talk about it?” Way to get to the real important stuff Sammy.”

“This is important Dean. Your happiness is important to me, and I would like to know what is going on around me, you know, in case I need to knock a little more often now.” Sam stated, endlessly smirking at Dean.

“Fine. Yes Sam, we’re a “thing.” Now, would you shut it.”

“Oh, I don’t think I’m ever gonna shut it. But, I’ll let you get back to your boyfriend for now.” He said jokingly. “Have fun you too, be safe!” He yelled as he walked back toward the stairs.

Once he was out of sight, Dean sighed, pulling his gaze back up to the angel sitting quietly beside him.

“That went just about as horribly as I was expecting.”

“He is happy for you, Dean. I am sure the teasing will stop eventually.”

“Oh, I’m certain it won’t. At least now I can do this though.” He said pulling Cas down for a kiss.

When they pulled apart, Cas was staring behind him, blushing more than Dean had ever seen him blush before. Dean turned his head around to see what caught his angels attention. He saw Bobby staring back at him, face between annoyance and amusement.

“ ‘Bout time.” He muttered, turning around to exit the room once more.

Dean turned back to Castiel, seeing his face had gone serious once more, he seemed to be back in his mind once more.

“Cas, what’s wrong? Bobby doesn’t really care, you know.”

“No. It’s just, I don’t think I’ll be useful on hunts anymore. I don’t know what we are to do. I don’t wish to hold you back.”

 

“Oh. I’ve sorta wanted to talk to you about that. Sam and I already had this discussion. We think we should get a home base. I can still hunt, but I’ll only do local things, and that way I’ll know you’re safe at home. You could get a job if you wanted to, and maybe join us on a few hunts every now and then, once we get you trained a little more. What do you think?”

“I would like that, Dean. I appreciate your consideration.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s kinda what a good boyfriend would do. Not that I know anything about being a good boyfriend. Be prepared for that by the way. I’m sure I’m gonna screw up a whole lot, I’m not good at this sort of thing, but you make me want to try.”

“Thank you, Dean.” He said leaning in to kiss Dean once more.

  
He thought to himself about all the things that had changed in the last few days, but at same time, it seemed like things were always headed in this direction. It took them years to get here, but somehow Castiel had always known not to give up, even though it seemed like such a pointless wish. Maybe that’s what’s great about being human, he could feel the flood of emotions filling him up like they never had before, allowing him to experience the intricacies of love and hope and hundreds of other unidentifiable things that swam across the river of his mind. Maybe drowning wasn’t as bad as he thought it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Dean sings is "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica.


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean are finally ready to move in together after such a long wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. The ending of my first fan-fic ever! I can't believe how well I kept to my schedule. I've really enjoyed writing this and have been so happy to share it with you guys. Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. I plan on writing more, just not with this series, unless there's a high demand, maybe I could do some time-stamps. Who knows? It's all a mystery to me right now. Anyway, Thank you! You can find me on Tumblr if you want, I try to keep it updated with anything I might be working on. My username is FantasticalDrew if you want to check that out.

_3 Months Later…_

“So Cas, you ready to move into our first actual home?”

“Yes, Dean.” He said, kissing Dean on the cheek as he walked by.

He stood in front of the house he and Dean had just purchased. It had by no means been a long process, it was actually quite the opposite. Dean wanted to live in Kansas and Castiel wanted to live with Dean. It took them about a week to settle on a house and a few more to forge enough documents to get them approved. It was a small house, two bedrooms, with a much larger yard. The home sat in the woods, far enough from town and any neighbors that Dean could get some target practice in when he wanted. Castiel’s only request was that he have somewhere to Garden, as he had grown fond of the idea when researching homes. Dean got a garage to park his Baby in, and put all of the tools he planned on accumulating in, and Castiel chose all the paint colors because Dean said “Just pick a damn color or I’m painting the whole house blue.” Now, they had all but one room finished, surprisingly the bedroom. Castiel had never needed sleep much before, but Dean wanted to go all out. He had to have memory foam and high-thread count sheets and practically anything that falls within the range of a comforting home. Castiel hadn’t complained but the prices of some of the objects had led to emptiness in other rooms and an extended period of time where waiting to move in. Yesterday, the final pieces of furniture came in and after the pale green paint in the bedroom dried, they would be moving it and officially living together.

It seemed to have happened so quickly, almost like it was overnight. Castiel had expected a slow progression and a lot of discomfort from Dean’s side of the relationship. After watching him struggle with his feelings for years, it came as a shock when Dean was ready to move so quickly from the life that he once led. Castiel never said anything but he suspected that it was because, deep down, this is the life that Dean had always wanted for himself. The apple pie life suited him once he found the right person to share it with, and Castiel was glad that he fulfilled that role.

That’s not to say that Dean was just giving up any semblance of his old life. His plan was to take local jobs for a while, a few years probably, and then when he got older, he’d retire. He’d stop hunting slowly, taking less and less jobs, leaving the brunt of the work for others, and he could focus on research. He was essentially in line to follow in Bobby’s footsteps, and that wasn’t such a bad thing. When he wasn’t gone on hunts, he would stay home and fix up some cars at the local auto shop. Castiel had taken a job too, claiming that he got bored at home on his own, and wished to spend his time outside with humans other than Dean, trying to immerse himself in the experience. Eventually he found exactly what he was looking for and took his job at the local library. He read to the children on weekends and sometimes would run seminars for the local gardening club. He found that he enjoyed his human life, it wasn’t as grandiose as his angelic one had been, but he never really needed that anyway.

He walked inside his home, for the first time after it’s completion, and felt a wave of happiness rush through him. This felt so final, like he actually had something to tie him to the earth and keep him from Heaven’s misguidance. Dean wouldn’t admit to it, but the tie to earth settled his mind just as much as it did for Castiel. He still struggled with the idea of Castiel being able to stay here, away from Heaven. He knew that Castiel was no longer an angel, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t poof up some more grace for him if they decided they ever wanted him back. He was pretty bad-ass after all and Dean couldn’t see how anyone could ever replace him up there. After buying this home though, it seemed like Castiel was somehow invincible to their forces, he was meant to be in this home with Dean, because he was just as human as anyone else.

“What’re you thinking about?” Dean asked.

“You, mostly. I love our new home.” He said, smile not leaving his face.

**  
**“Yeah, so do I, angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all again! I hope you enjoy tonight's episode, I'm looking forward to it!


End file.
